wats going on with me?

I m ill... mentally... sentimental... i dont know y n wat m i sensitive to... jux a spasm of sullen feeling... i think mayb it's the time for me to seek for cure... huh? really go mental hospital? =.="
since when the seedling of hatred reap in my heart? i m childish sometimes... either to frenz, familes or someone else... i dun know when was the exact time... when my evil feelings overpowered my kind heart again... dilemma... i m nw bracing for a toughest challenges ever... i m fighting with myself... a MYSELF hu i regardED as PERFECT long times ago... i m useless... i cant even retaliate in front of my OWN self... mayb i need a couple of time... for me to turn a new leaf... tis is the third time i really HATE myself...

1) for frenz... tdy u all really pissed me off... lolx... so dun blame me for kacau u all... AN EYE TO EYE... haha, bt i stil gt a bit UNCONTROLLABLE... i know....

2) for family... sorry for being rude...

3) to WHOM IT MAY CONCERN (SOMEONE ELSE)... by the time i hope tat u can read my blog, i oso hope tat u WOULDN'T... actually, its indisputably fact, we r both too young, n most importantly i m childish enough... i feel extreme sorry to u... apologizes do nt mean anything... but wat can i do now merely is apologizes...


mayb, probably, if i would have obtained JPA scholarship, i could go further places for my studies, TIME CURES EVERYTHING, isn't it? i really hope so... but i know, its a coward action... however i nw only hope tat i could evade things happening right here... i m losing the last strand of patience of myself, i gonna burst... my hot temper is returning...
i dun wan to stay nearby here anymore, i dun wish to bring any tormenting memories to either one... pls keep the memories of mine tat are always cheerful n merry...

pls no comment here... tis is all just for display only... thank you...

haha...

omg... really really intimidating... haha... dk wher should i go nw... jux nw sunway punya staff told me that she hoped to seeing me when the intake of the college(lolx, too handsome?)
haha, later going edu fair le... jux go n c ba... but nw i have set my target~ wohoo... my ACTUARIAL SCIENCE><... haha although it is bery bery tough according to many others... bt stil, i wanna try, i wanna brace for challenges, gud things will nvr approach without hardworks...isn't it? if i really take tis courses, it means i m going to sacrifice all my leisure time, (i will have a great splendid time savoring in studies)... haizzz... (my dating time leh?)
tormenting... i m in the chagrin n dilemma nw... wow, damn gt feel... (i m listening to ks d blog, song of mama) nt bad d song.... haha...

perplexing~ bapak dia...

1) Applying for the JPA, if could... later i will fly overseas~ HOORAY~ i wan UK or US~ even austrlia is gud enuf for me~ i will meet my new frenz despite of my current nub frenz here~ yoyo... (u guys dun gawk at me, everyone have their own hope, i m nt to blame ok?)

2) JPA oso, bt gonna stay in M'sia for local U... it is actually nt a bad choice, since the government had settled down everything for u...

3) matrix or STPM? still brood over it, it costs me a lot of brain cells decimated... bapak dia...
a) STP offers me to go sg, i prefer going sg U... i found that STP cert could help me to skip the first year in sg U... wow...
b) matrix offers me to have the least of worries for my future, it nurses a place for me in local U.

4) A lvl... nid $$... bt nt bad oso though for us, it is quite late le, bt stil worth trying...

5) poly, environment is considered the best among all, but too many of cons... so according to Pn Vanaja, WCR, its attraction leave nil to me...

5 of these...
bapak dia... no one of these can guarantee me my craved course...
i stil searching for the answer for myself... what is the best n easing way for me to take my actuarial science...
omg... perplex perplex~... these things really inflict me alot...
hu can answer my inquisitiveness? haizzz......

i hope... time would b static at tat moment......